By Julieta Chiara for ASN Lifestyle Magazine

I first met Lexi at the Sex Expo in New York a few years ago in the press room. Even though I hovered over this tiny, five-foot-nothing woman (with a few extra inches in her high-heeled boots), her personality was enormous. As she spoke fast and excitedly, infusing swear words seamlessly throughout her sentences, it was clear to me that she was a total firecracker. She was confident, sharp, and witty — everything a boss bitch should be. 

Since that day, I’ve had many, MANY conversations with Lexi and collaborated on a number of projects with her. She’s refined her brand and expanded her business while also helping others (myself included) grow theirs. In the midst of all that, she’s somehow managed to also publish an erotic book, build a thriving coaching practice, and produce I don’t even know how many live Swinging 101 webinars and Cocktails & Erotic Tales live storytelling events — all while working as the Media Director for SDC.com, the world’s largest international lifestyle dating platform.

Check out my interview with Lexi and discover more about how this fiery femme fatale explores her Lexuality.

What does your slogan “Explore Your Lexuality” mean to you?

Exploring my Lexuality is my erotic version of self-actualization: attaining the highest level of being by living with authenticity in myself and with others, always — and, of course, enjoying the fuck out of my pursuits.

It’s about carving my own path of self-discovery and shamelessly pursuing what (and whom) I desire. It means striving for fulfillment not just from my sex life, my relationship, and the open lifestyle, but in everything in life. Because this fulfillment runs deeper than fleeting orgasmic pleasure — it derives from never settling for less than I desire and deserve. 

It’s my raison d’être to explore my Lexuality and help others discover theirs, too.

You’re a sex and relationship coach and educator. What are your areas of “Lexpertise”?

For starters, I’m an expert at getting down to the root of the issue and helping you break down the barriers that keep you from truly connecting with yourself and others and from living the life you want.

I’ve been told that I’m like an older cousin who you can feel comfortable confiding in but who won’t shy away from telling you the truth, even when it’s tough. One of my specialties is helping you create and maintain fulfilling, uncompromising relationships — whether they’re monogamous, monogamish, open, swinging, polyswing, polyamorous, and anything and everything in between.

Another area of Lexpertise is my ability to devise creative solutions with you to bring the spark back in your relationship(s) and have the best fucking sex of your lives.

How can someone know if they’re ready to explore *their* Lexuality?

When you find yourself bored and have a burning desire to try something new. 

When you feel like you want more out of life and know that you deserve more.

When you want more satisfaction from sex, even if it's just sex with yourself.

When you want to discover the endless possibilities in life, love, and sex.

When you're ready to let go of all the bullshit, shame, and judgment that has tethered you to living a life that others and society have modeled and prescribed for you.

When you're ready to fearlessly embrace all the parts of you that make you who you are — no matter how you think other people might perceive you and your decisions.

When you want to feel free to just BE who you are and live your life the way you’ve always dreamed. 

When you feel any or all of these things, you’re ready to explore your Lexuality.

And when you are, let’s talk. It’s my pleasure to be your Lexual guide into this exciting new chapter of your life.

Why do you think so many people seem dissatisfied with their sex lives and / or relationship(s)?

I think fear and shame have a lot to do with it. Fear of asking for what we want, fear of being judged, fear of being rejected for who we are and what we desire. Even fear that we can't do any better than what we have. For some, fear that maybe we don't deserve better. Fear of the unknown, which is why some people prefer to stay in what they know, even if they’re not happy or just content. And shame for harboring feelings and desires that we’ve been falsely led to believe are wrong or bad or dirty when they are natural and real and valid.

Can you share a few Lexual tips for achieving fulfilling sex and relationships?

Don’t expect one person to fulfill ALL of your needs, and don’t conform to trying to become everything that your partner(s) need(s). It’s too much pressure for any one person to handle, and it’s COMPLETELY FUCKING UNREALISTIC. No one can be everything to anyone / everyone. So, if your partner isn’t into sports, find yourself friends who are, and find something else that you can share with your partner.

Relationships are seldom equal, but they SHOULD be equitable. That means that everyone in the relationship feels their needs are being met and their partner(s) are carrying their own weight — whether it’s a matter of resources (like salary), division of labor in the household, division of “mental load,” parenting, making efforts to initiate time / sex together, etc.

No one can read your mind (at least no one I’ve met yet)! Summon the confidence to ask for what the fuck you want and need. If you don’t know what you want or need or what your boundaries are, take the time to get to know yourself better and discover what truly gratifies you on each and every level — physically, emotionally, intellectually, etc. Only then can you effectively communicate that to others.

Healthy communication isn’t just about how often you communicate with your partner(s) — it’s about how effective you and your partner(s) are at expressing your needs and listening to each other. Like anything else, communication skills must be learned and developed over time (often via trial and error, with emphasis on the error). So, if it seems like you’re ALWAYS having the same conversations and you’re frustrated and not getting the results you’re seeking, then it’s time to give your relationship a boost with some education and / or coaching.

When you were on the cover of ASN Lifestyle Magazine in August 2020, you’d just released your erotic book, Mating Season… How was it received?

Was it a little insane of me to publish my book, Mating Season: Erotic Short Stories, at the onset of a global pandemic? Probably. But it didn’t matter to me because I’d waited long enough to share my erotic stories this way. It surprised me how excited people were to read my book, and the number of readers surpassed all of my hopes and expectations. It thrills me when people tell me their favorite characters and stories. And I absolutely LOVE when I can watch and listen to other people holding my book in their hands and reading my stories out loud, like how Casey Carter, Mizzy Bender, and Dragonfly have done in the past during my Cocktails & Erotic Tales events! That’s totally surreal for me.

What inspires your erotic writings?

What doesn’t?! My filthy imagination is boundless and doesn’t need much assistance from external sources to come up with my stories — though it doesn’t hurt that I also have a plethora of Lexual adventures under my proverbial belt from which to draw inspiration. And I must give credit where it’s due: I’m lucky that my partner is also a perverted genius with many depraved ideas of his own. All of my stories meld my personal experiences with my fantasies for a decadent reading experience.

Are the rumors true that you’re working on another erotic book for us?!

Hmmm…. Did you start those rumors to try to provoke me?! Hell yeah, I’m working on more smut for your reading pleasure. I won’t divulge much more, but I’ll allow the rumor mill to churn with the knowledge that my Lexual prose (AKA Volume 2 of Mating Season: Erotic Short Stories) will be unveiled in early 2023.

Tell us a secret! What are some things most people don’t know about you?

Well, rumors DO seem to abound, so I’m not sure which people know which personal details about me anymore. One fun fact is that I’m from Montreal, and I’m an avid Montreal Canadiens hockey fan. Another is that I LOVE to cook and, as it turns out, I’m actually pretty good at it (or so my guests’ moans of delight whilst eating my food would have me believe). I’m a self-professed nerd and love to do things like construct puzzles, read scientific articles, and stimulate my brain in all ways possible. And I have a weakness for gummy candies, licorice, and Skittles, so I always try to keep a stash of snacks to satisfy my sweet cravings.

What’s next for Lexi Sylver?

I’m not going to blow my load and divulge everything at once! I have some Swinging 101 classes and webinars coming up, which I’ll be releasing gradually, starting this August. Plus, stay tuned for even more Lexual news as I get Mating Season 2 ready for publishing and plan some Cocktails & Erotic Tales events to make all of you even more excited for my filthy stories. So, get ready to #GetLexual with me… this wild ride is just getting started.

This interview originally appeared in the August 2022 issue of ASN Lifestyle Magazine.