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The Sexual Trifecta: Connection
Connection: The third chapter in our sexual trifecta adventure.
Ready for the culmination of your most erotic, ignited, elevated, sensual pleasures? In our first adventure, we explored “Why Warm?” Then we engaged our minds into the delicious joys of Anticipation! Last time we visited, we lost ourselves into the skin tingling, body quivering, delights of Sensation.
Now, let’s talk about why we do all this: Connection! The third chapter in our sexual trifecta.
A Deeper Level of Intimacy
For many, the deepest level of intimacy is realized when a special bond is created together and there is mutual and total acceptance of body, mind and soul.
There is so much vulnerability in sex. That is worth repeating: there is So. Much. Vulnerability in, around, during and because of Sex. You are not only revealing and sharing your physical body and everything you love or maybe don’t love so much about it, but also your very personal desires, cravings, wants and needs. Being able to communicate with your lover is imperative for a healthy, satisfying exchange and yet at times (I’m sure you can relate) it is challenging. But, without it, we do not get to experience the most rewarding aspect of intimacy, which is true connection.
That is one of the biggest reasons I made WARM™ and followed it up with TOUCH™. For Mr. Warm and I (and many others) these products help us facilitate and navigate our conversations. They also set them up in a way that reduces potential shame triggers and even potential for re-trauma exposure.
COMMUNICATION
Using WARM™and TOUCH™ to instigate intimate moments is a flirty and less vulnerable way to ask for what you want. Couples rank this high as a complaint when asked about dissatisfaction in their relationships. Asking for what you want can be one of the most vulnerable parts of being intimate with someone. And not getting what we want and need, has a direct and profound long-term effect on a couple's ability to maintain their sex-drive for each other. Knowing that, still doesn’t make it easier. Warming a toy does.
Laying WARM™ on your partners pillow, turned on, with a toy inside is an easy and erotic way to show someone what you would like. If either of you have been withholding desires about a type of toy or intimacy product for fear of rejection, presenting your “I think this might be fun for us” idea in WARM™ is a gentle way to introduce the type of play you are craving.
Steps to Heating Things Up
Step One: Get consent. Check in with your partner, this can even be a playful text! “I’d like to show you something. Want to see? Be in the bedroom at 8 for a date!” Some people like surprises, some don’t. You know your partner best and it never hurts to give a little heads up!
Step Two: Leave what you are craving or curious about in WARM™ and leave it out for your partner to find. Turn WARM™ on and enjoy the anticipation! I like to leave a note on the bed for him to find, it’s true I do! “Hey Handsome! This caught my eye and I’d like to see if it feels good! Do you feel like playing together tonight? Check Y or N. If yes, are you gonna peek at what it is or are you going for the surprise? If no, do you feel like watching me do the preliminary investigation? ? Check Y or N. If you don’t feel like playing at all, which can happen sometimes! Would you put our WARM™ on my side of the bed and can we talk about it tomorrow at lunch? I’d like to hear if you have a need we can incorporate with this toy or if you have just had a long day. If you had a long day, would you like a back rub? I’ll be back at 8:30 and no matter what, I Love You. xo Janine”
This little note for us has helped us grow together beyond our wildest dreams and continue to connect in new ways. It creates for me a safe way to ask for what I want. It allows him time to check in with himself about what he needs. It allows us both to communicate honestly about how we are feeling that day, that moment, and reminds us it is probably about the day and not a rejection. Even after being together for a long time, we are still both tender and vulnerable humans who will do anything to avoid feeling rejected. I realized it is the real-time asking for what I want aspect that made me feel extra vulnerable. And when I feel vulnerable, there is not a single "no" he can give me that I don’t struggle to remember it isn’t personal.
Wants and Needs Change
I knew if I was to enjoy feeling truly connected, I needed to find a way to work around my fears of asking for what I want if we were going to have the relationship experiences we deeply desired together. A relationship where we can and do ask, any and every time we discover a need has evolved or a new want has sprung up! Wants and needs change. The communications we may have had before needs to be revisited as we evolve.
Spoiler Alert: Communication works best when it stays current and relevant. Finding ways to incorporate flirting into your communication styles adds a playful, loving way to bring a lot of fun new things into the bedroom!
What About Your Partner's Communication Levels?
So, Mr. Warm is a communications expert? Nope. He prefers to ask by text! He likes to send me a pic of a toy and ask, “Think this would feel good warm? xo” And the benefits to communication works the same way.
I can hear his want without the perceived pressure of real-time or my natural instinct to not want to hurt his feelings or crush his excitement. Because of that, most of the time I can feel I am a Yes! My body answers pretty clearly for me. And even still, I may have a need around it. So now I have something I need to ask. Yes and, would you put the thicker lube in our TOUCH™? Yes and, would you do… first, I love it when you do that!
He knows I love anticipation! If I reply yes, the game begins. Sometimes, I will walk into our room to find WARM™ on my pillow with the purple light glowing. I don’t know when he placed it on the pillow and I love that! For me, I like to know what it is, but not when. For him, he likes to know when, but not what. We only discovered these important details out about each other by communicating. Knowing these little things that turn us on best was so worth figuring out how to talk about it!
Arousal at the Push of a Button
Did I mention the added benefit of anticipation? No matter who initiates the ask, finding our way to a mutual "Yes," creates anticipation for the what! Again, arousal at the push of a button!
Using WARM™ to help ask for what you want communicates for you. I want to have fun and feel good together with you! It works.
Exercise: Close your eyes and imagine walking into your room to a toy on the bed. Now, imagine walking in to find a WARM™, a purple glow, feeling the warmth coming from it and not knowing what is inside. Yes, please!
This seemingly simple gesture, creates quite the difference in mindset going into an intimate encounter and that, by far, can be the biggest factor of whether or not it will be a truly fulfilling and exquisitely enjoyable experience. Layer in TOUCH™ and have your favorite lube magically appear, silky warm, right into your hand and you have created a sensation oasis to connect in together.
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