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Women Wanna Know: How Can I Learn to Love Myself?

ASN Lifestyle Magazine

Sex Uninterrupted's Taara Rose shares her advice on how to learn self-acceptance and provides some Self Love Homework to put it into practice.

This question recently came up in a Ladies of the Lifestyle group that I am an admin for. It is an issue a lot of women face in life in general, and I wanted to share my advice surrounding it in the August 2019 issue of ASN Lifestyle Magazine.

This Issue's Question

Q: I have a couple of partners outside of my marriage, all friends with benefits, and we have a great time and things feel wonderful! One of my partners is VERY attractive. When I was a teenager, I was told by a bully that I could never "be with someone more attractive than me"... which has created this story in my head for AGES that I am not worthy of feeling sexual, being desired, or being with someone that I find very very attractive. This core belief is affecting my connection with my partner. I make up stories in my head about how I am unworthy, why he shouldn't want to be with me, and I sabotage my happiness and joy over and over again with this false belief. ANY suggestions on what I should do? How to get over this? I am READY to embrace my joy, but keep defaulting to this belief.

Taara's Answer

A: I am so thrilled that you are ready to dive into this work. Awareness is the first step and you have done a ton of work simply by recognizing how you are feeling about yourself and understanding where those feelings are coming from. Encountering bullying and teasing as a child can have a huge impact on ourselves as we get older. Add to this the fact that you are a woman and the media you are exposed to daily is created to make you feel “not good enough,” and you have the perfect recipe for low self-esteem, being self-conscious and an overall lack of self-love.

In non-monogamy and ALL aspects of your life, self-love is extremely important. Why? Self-love defines YOU. It allows you the freedom to experience what you like and sets clear boundaries of the things you don’t like. If you do not love yourself or see your beauty, how can you allow another to love you? They can take care of you, do things for you, buy you things but really the love will only go as deeply as your love for yourself.

Ways to Encourage Self-Love & Self-Acceptance

So how can you move forward with your healing and start to feel like that radiant, beautiful goddess that you are? I believe it starts with a conscious choice and it sounds like you are ready to make that decision. Below I have shared some advice on how to encourage self-love and self-acceptance. Following this is homework from Session 1.0 of my Spiritual Slut Program which is all about self-love. I hope that this is the catalyst you need to truly see how deserving of love you are.

Write a mantra on the bathroom mirror. I did this with the phrase “I Am Enough” and it has motivated me to be aware of my thoughts about myself every time I look at it. Some others include: I Love Me. I am worthy to receive love. I experience a balanced and loving relationship with myself.
Find a women’s group/circle to join. There are plenty that are focused on womb healing and feminine healing and being around women who encourage you and lift your spirit and soul is so empowering and powerful.
Dress yourself up and go on selfie hay-day or book a boudoir shoot. I am NOT joking! Get yourself feeling sexy — however that looks to you — and take photos! I used to do this a lot when I was single and living alone. Be creative with this and take naughty photos too. It’s intimate and special!
Give yourself some hands-on self-love! Yes — an orgasm. Self-pleasure is the ultimate form of self-love. Taking time and energy to create an orgasm is love.
Invest in a Yoni Egg. These are powerful healers and great tools to promote self-love.
If you feel like self-love is difficult to achieve on your own, consider seeing a specialist. A life coach, therapist, or psychologist are always great avenues to explore.

Self Love Homework from Spiritual Slut Program

I challenge you to take a long, hard look at yourself in the mirror. Strip off all those clothes, the mask you wear and just stand there nude. Admire your curves, your beauty, and your radiance, your strength — YOU. Sit there, nude, in front of the mirror, and look into each of the three levels of you.

Look first at your physical body. FEEL IT. Fall in love with how you look. Admire YOU. You are a miracle and you are love and light. If your ego tries to butt in silence it. You can even tell it to go away out loud. Just spend a second to admire YOU.

Second, look into your eyes. This is called Soul Gazing. This actually comes from Tantra, before intimacy partners soul gaze into one another’s eyes. Today, you will do it with yourself so you are practicing self-love. Sit and stare into your eyes. Look deep and further than the surface.

Last, I want you to grab a mirror and put it between your legs. We are going to practice Yoni Gazing. This is another Tantric practice. Typically the men would meditate — gaze — into their partners Yoni. Yoni Gazing changes everything about your thoughts on your vagina. This is where life starts. This is a gift, and we must see her as that. You can stare or touch — it doesn’t matter. You can even taste her! Do not be embarrassed of what she smells or tastes like. Just reconnect with her and become aware of her beauty and strength and power. Find your GIFT again. YONI IS A GIFT.

(complete this after the homework)

What Do You Love

List three things you love about your physical self. I want these three things to be something you didn’t quite see before. Do some digging to discover your new-found love for your body.

List three things you love about your soul self. We find a lot while gazing at our soul. What three things stood out to you that you found beautiful about yourself?

List three things you love about your Yoni (vagina). We often overlook our Yoni and her power and we rarely give her the credit she deserves. What did you love when you played with her?

If you are interested in more information or need a friendly ear to help you with your non-monogamy journey please visit sexuninterrupted.com. I truly hope you find this information helpful.